"tiramisu"
~~
The Park mob was the most feared mob family in town. They
ruled the city of Grace with an iron fist. No one dared to double cross them.
Except...maybe...one of their own.
Tony was the oldest son of the family. He
was also the up and coming leader of the mob. Tony's main job was to collect the
money from their debtors. This duty required him to travel from city to city periodically
to retrieve the dough. He had one last stop in the town of Hanul before he
could call it quits for the month. Unfortunately for Tony, there was no place
to store the money while he was gone. All of a sudden, Tony remembered he had a
cousin in Hanul and he could store the cash with him while he was there. Tony
quickly ran to a payphone and called his cousin,
Sal.
Tony: Eh, Sal, it's me Tony. Hold on to a bit of cash for me
would ya? I gotta make another round and I'll be back up at your place before ya
know it... You would? Ah, what a guy!
After the call, Tony got on his bike and rode to Sal's place
to drop off the money.
Tony: Eh, Sal I really appreciate you holding the family
dough.
Sal: Don't mention it cousin. Family is family!
Tony left Sal and went to collect the last of the debt. Little did he
know, Sal had dark plans for the family money. Sal always felt a little
betrayed by the family. He was sent to watch the turf in Hanul and
couldn't be with his family back in Grace. Bitter as can be, Sal spent the
money on some very expensive tiramisu.
When Tony returned from his last collection, he found Sal
lying down in the front yard looking distraught.
Tony: What happened, Sal? The place is a mess! Who did this?
Sal: It was that damn Sang gang. They broke into my place
and stole the money you left.
Tony was shocked at what happened. He could not fathom how
the Sang gang did such a thing. They were the Park mob. Everyone feared them.
So, Tony began to investigate.
As he was looking around Sal's apartment he
noticed a plate of what looked like a dessert left on the table.
Tony: Interesting, it looks like the Sang gang stayed for
dessert.
From this moment on, Tony knew that Sal had tried
to trick him. He walked to the front yard back to Sal.
Tony: Well, I guess you're right. The money is not here.
Sal: I'm so sorry, Tony... how about you come back over for
dinner tomorrow?
Tony: Sure, Sal. Sure.
Tony knew this was Sal's way of closing the deal of his lie.
So, what did Tony do about it? The mob thing to do.
Tony arrived at Sal's house the next day. Before he could
knock, the door burst open.
Sal: TONY! Have you seen my son? He hasn't come home since
yesterday. Do you know where my boy is?
Tony: Well, Sal, I believe I saw him get taken away by the
Sang gang last night.
Sal: What are you talking about?! The Sang gang would never harm us. They fear us. Why would you joke with me? My son is missing,
dammit.
Tony: You shouldn't be surprised, Sal. If they would take my
money I am sure they would take your boy. Sal, return my money and I'm sure
your boy will come home.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
This story was based off of The Merchant and His Iron by Dutton. In the original, a man left a large amount of iron with his friend. The friend eventually sold the iron for money and lied saying rats ate it. The man knew this was a lie so he decided to kidnap the friend's son in exchange for his iron. I decided to make my take of the original into a gangster type theme. Instead of the main item being iron, I made it money. Better yet, the money that belonged to the mob. I decided to make the main character the head of the mob, or soon to be head. Instead of rats eating iron like in the original, I decided to metaphorically make the friend the rat and have him spend it (eat it) on the dessert. I kept the ending pretty similar to the original. When Tony returned to retrieve his money, he figured out that Sal was lying. In the original, the merchant instantly knew his friend was lying because of how bad the lie was. In my take of the story, I chose to make Tony investigate a little to where he would eventually find a clue, hence the dessert. In both stories the son is taken. In exchange for the money/iron, the boy would be returned.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
The Tortoise and the Geese and Other Fables of Bidpai by Dutton
Hi, Tyler! I love the changes you made from the original story. My favorite part about it may be the fact that it has an Italian mob style, and I instantly read all the dialogue in an Italian accent! This week, I also read an Indian fable called The Dishonest Friend by Rouse, which was SUPER similar to this story. In the one I read, a man told his friend to hold a plough for him while he went out. The friend sold the plough for money and told the man that a giant rat ate it. So the man stole the friend’s child as revenge and said that the son was carried away by a hawk, and in the end, a judge told the friend that in order to get his son back, he would have to find the plough!
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler!
ReplyDeleteI have yet to read this story, but by the looks of it, you definitely were able to keep the same elements of the original story in your revolutionized story! Indian fables are great because they always end up having a take away message or lesson for a child to understand. You can definitely get a take away message from you story, and I really appreciate that! You did a wonderful job with this story, and I am really glad I was able to read it. Nice job!
Tyler,
ReplyDeleteI like your take on the original story because it is different. I wouldn't have personally thought of writing the story in this way. I liked how it felt as if I was reading a play, which is different from what I usually see with writing in this class. I liked that you labeled who was speaking and that your story was mainly about the dialogue than just describing what is going on. You used the dialogue to give a good description of what the characters were saying. Also I liked that you used the Italian mob like others stated they liked in this class. I think it is a different way to explain your story than the way others have done it. I will add that I think you should describe a little more in detail of the surroundings in your story to make it more personalized. Dialogue is great but description is also great to display your story better.
Hello Tyler. I enjoyed your story. I liked the style of writing you chose because it is almost like a script. At the beginning of the story I was a little confused how it correlated to the class but after reading the author's note everything was cleared up! My favorite part of the story is when Tony is in Sal's house and he sees the plate with a dessert on it. He sarcastically points out that they must have stayed for dessert. This lets the reader know that Tony knows from the beginning that it is Sal that has stolen the money and not a random gang. Something you could do to make the story better is add more detail. The story is pretty short and sweet but you could make it stronger and more memorable if you fluffed it up with better descriptions throughout.
ReplyDeleteHi Tyler! I did not read the original story of what your story is based off of so I cannot really compare it at all. I really like the layout of your story. It is really clear when the scene slightly changes or you want to highlight something else. Also, you make it extremely easy to read the dialogue and how it is separate but consistent with the story. Since I have not really read the original story, I feel like there may have been some missing detail that would have helped someone without any knowledge get a little bit more engaged in this story. It seems that the story just kind of jumps right into it immediately and some more detail could be helpful. Overall, I feel like you did an excellent job of making this story short and concise but it was a good read as well. I wish you luck on the rest of the semester!
ReplyDelete